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Dateline: Saigon.

Even the world’s most expensive Internet Cafe can’t stop me from blogging the end of my trip. Farewell Kumagaya, shining pearl of lesser-known Japan. I shall miss your embarrassingly titled brothels, your indifferent schoolgirls, your solitary tolerable watering hole. Add it all together and you’ve got a place of such character that it echoes through the ages. Paris! New York! Bendigo! Kumagaya! Now I’ve seen them all, I can die happy.

While I’m on here, big ups to Matt for being such a terrific host and friend. Our goodbye was short - my train was waiting on the platform when we got there - but perhaps it was for the best as I didn’t have to put into words how I felt, and maybe muck it up. You know what I think of you, dude.

How’s the ass?

Well, the timer’s already down to three minutes, and my plane to Melbourne leaves in under an hour, so I’m off. End of the trip.

Okay, so I just experienced my first earthquake. I’m sitting in the cheapest Internet cafe in Kumagaya, trying to decide whether it’s worth blogging on the world’s stupidest keyboard (the space bar is smaller than the shift key, and the extra space to the right of it is taken up with a key that switches the computer into “Kanji mode”, turning everything I type into a series of symbols. The bloodlust is rising.), when the entire building starts shaking in all directions. It was very mild - nothing fell off the shelves, the walls didn’t crack, people didn’t even look up from what they were doing - but it was also very, very cool. They happen once a month here, or thereabouts. In case the big one hits, I have compiled a list of things I’m going to loot:

- More PDA’s for my friends
- The Zoom MRS-1266 home recording system from the Nittoh Mall (I don’t care how many corpses I have to trample)
- The contents of the kitchen at Mos Burger (I’m hungry, and they’re healthy for fast food)
- The robotic James Brown toy from an idol shop in Kyoto (After commandeering a Nozomi Shinkansen)
- An AIBO ERS-7 for James Brown to ride into battle in his new role as head Robo-Knight for the New Way
- A trolley full of fish-shaped fruit pies

Last couple of days in point form for later…

Wed night
- went to A-Bar with Katie, a fellow hosteller from San Diego. Met up with a whole bunch of sozzled Irishmen and an American/Arabic couple living in Kyoto.
- The arabic gentleman promised to take us to a great bar when A-Bar closed. It turned out to be his friend’s open-air Kebab shop. His friend is Iranian, and therefore doesn’t speak Arabic, so they conversed in Japanese, which seemed odd at the time.
- The Irish group became increasingly incoherent, so we went off and found another bar, Ike, run by a Japanese guy who has an almost superhuman obsession with the Rolling Stones. Nice place.

Thursday
- Went to Nara with Katie. That same day, we later found out, a temple burned down killing the wife of the priest. It wasn’t me.
- Saw world’s largest wooden building, which is actually 2/3 of it’s original size (it was rebuilt a few centuries ago). It contains a 13m bronze-and-gold statue of Buddha, surrounded by intricate wooden statues of other god-like creatures.
- Saw Japan’s second tallest pagoda (by a few centimeters - the tallest is in Kyoto)
- Fed a few of the many deer that wander the park, using special bicuits designed for the purpose. Deer go sleepy-bye-byes now.

Friday
- Caught Hikari Shinkansen back to Tokyo. Went to Shinjuku and bought iMac DV (400MHz, 128MB RAM, 13GB HDD) for Matt
- All went out to a Jazz club called Acoustic House Jam, deep in Omiya’s brothel district. The act was called BLUESION, a mixture of BLUnts and frESION cows. Beef smokers.
- Was soundly beaten by Matt at the Taiko drum arcade game.
- Had some photos taken at PuriKura. Painted glowing, jewelled cocks onto them.

J-Hoppers hostel in Kyoto is situated centrally, yet near nothing in particular. It inhabits a cultural wasteland of convenience stores and car repair shops, and from this vantage point it would be easy to be disappointed with Kyoto. However, today I cycled to the Eastern outskirts of the city, and discovered a mountainside covered in ancient temples, streets lined with elegant wooden houses, and intricate gardens teeming with wildlife.

The trip to Kyoto was intriguing. I took the Shinkansen, which is probably still the world’s fastest train, at around 300Km/H. Within half an hour of leaving Tokyo, we shot into a mountainside, and when we emerged a few seconds later it was into a gorgeous valley, with the sparkling ocean on one side and looming forested mountains on the other. The rest of the trip repeated this pattern, thundering through mountains and admiring the ever-changing scenery when we emerged. Most of the journey was through semi-rural or built-up areas, as between Tokyo, Kyoto and Osaka is an almost uninterrupted strip of civilisation.

The trip to Kyoto from Tokyo took about 3 hours. That was on the Hikari. The Nozomi super-express shaves a further half-hour or so from the trip. To compare, a bus takes between 9 and 12 hours depending on who you talk to.

Last night I went looking for food with Royce (NZ) and Asha (UK), two guys I met at the J-Hoppers. We wandered for an hour before buying some microwaveable crap from the 7-11 around the corner. I need a menu with pictures, or I’m lost.

Late at night, we all sat down to watch The Ring (unfortunately, it was the American version, but it still frightened the sushi out of me).

As I mentioned before, today I cycled to the Eastern outskirts and spent most of the day climbing up the steep mountainside, exploring the temples. At one point I came across an enormous graveyard which stretched up the mountain. It seems that the bereaved visit and offer water and light candles on the graves of their loved ones. How they do so without having a cardiac arrest I have no idea. I climbed to the top and almost died myself - I can’t imagine doing it with a bucket of water. Damn these weak Western legs!

Afterwards, I treated myself to a movie to escape the heat. Reign of Fire - it’s actually really good for an action film. I recommend it. Dragons awake and take humanity to the brink of destruction. Alas they are let down by a cataclysmic evolutionary flaw. Stupid dragons.

Thursday
- Went to Matt’s school for the day.
- He taught his students to rob each other.

Friday
- Met and hung out with Matt’s friend Leila. Went Engrish shopping. Kicked Leila’s ass at her favourite game, Guilty Gear XX. Had photos taken.
- Went clubbing at night. Met Masami, a Kumagaya local living in New York.

Saturday
- Went into town with Matt and Leila and met Andrew.
- Toured around Akihabara’s “Electric Town” until about 4:30
- Went to Shibuya and visited crazy Anime store, Mandarake, mandarake.co.jp, where I bought an original frame of Ken from G-Force for 3000 Yen. Ate great food and had all we could drink as well. Went to a Karaoke parlour.
- Andrew’s girlfriend Momo and her friend Anri arrived.
- Matt and Leila went home, the rest of us went dancing at Gas Panic in Gaijin-central: Roppongi. Afterwards we watched the truly god-awful “Simone”, in which Al Pacino performed ritual Hari-Kiri on his career.

Sunday
- Slowly recovered then met Matt and Kazuyo at Shibuya station. Had Thai food for lunch, visited the goth hangout and nearby Meiji Shrine at Harajuku.
- Visited a large buddhist temple but it was closed.
- Went back to Kumagaya.

Monday
- Met Yuka for breakfast, she spoke about her visit to Thailand and her Thai boyfriend, who is leaving his wife and children for her. Wondered if two different planet Earth’s might have been confused somehow.
- Went home and then bought headphones for Zaurus, played Guilty Gear XX against Matt and kicked his ass too. New favourite game!
- That night, went out and met some more of Matt’s Japanese friends. Their English wasn’t great, but we had a good time and ate some great food, like crab claws and deep-fried squid.
- At night, went for long, semi-drunken walk. Used Internet

Tuesday
- Caught Shinkansen to Tokyo and Kyoto
- Wandered Kyoto with Royce (NZ) and Asha (UK), two guys I met at the J-Hoppers, the hostel I’m staying at.