Doin’ it for Uncle Jiang

So China has sent a human into orbit. Judged by the accepted international yardstick of resource wastage, they now rank alongside the USA and… the USA.

A quote from the article:

Gu Yidong, director and chief designer of the space application system in the space flight programme, told Xinhua that the ultimate goal for China’s programme is to explore outer space and make good use of the rich resources of space.

Yeah, I hear they’re going to bring back some vacuum and use it to clean their carpets. Rich resources of space? It’s SPACE. I can’t think of anything else that has fewer resources per volumetric unit. Apart from George W. Bush’s skull – Za-WANG!

[Note: I am told by reliable sources that while space is not particularly dense, it does contain a large amount of stuff, certainly more stuff than you could bring to earth without making things here pretty overcrowded. I stand by my comments, however, as the vast majority of that stuff is much too far away to be of any use]

When asked who would be the next to be fired into space, the Chinese administration said only “Dissidents”. Further questions, such as the possible landing date, were met with stony silence.

Exclusive! I have obtained an updated map of the Chinese flight plan.

Finally:

An astronaut does not need to wear the space suit when the spaceship is orbiting, he said, except when there are pressurization problems with the spacecraft.

Picture someone being sucked into the vacuum of space while pulling their pants on. Now you know why I’m laughing so hard.