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This is the best thing ever.

This is the best thing ever.

Sometimes (okay, all the time) the U.S. Patent Office seems to be run by a herd of mountain gorillas selectively bred for complicity over thousands of millenia. Observe, the patent for swinging sideways on a swing, granted on the 9th of April 2002.

Lastly, it should be noted that because pulling alternately on one chain and then the other resembles in some measure the movements one would use to swing from vines in a dense jungle forest, the swinging method of the present invention may be referred to by the present inventor and his sister as “Tarzan” swinging. The user may even choose to produce a Tarzan-type yell while swinging in the manner described, which more accurately replicates swinging on vines in a dense jungle forest. Actual jungle forestry is not required.

The patent office has decided to put this patent under review, more than a year later. I can understand why mountain gorillas would choose to reward such research, but are you reading this, Western World? Still feel comfortable mindlessly aping (pun intended) US copyright and “Intellectual Property” laws? I don’t think there’s anything more I can say.

1984, the book, has warped my brain. Now I see newspeak and revisionist history everywhere. This post on “Where Is Raed?” talks about how in Iraq, the interim government is timing major events to coincide with old Saddam-endorsed holidays (Al-Zahf Al-Kabir). From the post:

It is going to be very difficult to make people really just ignore the 7th of april or the 17th of july, all your life these dates have been engraved on your skull from the inside, so the best thing to do is give them new meanings, new reasons to celebrate.

They should totally do that with Moomba.

This blog post makes the future as clear as it can be: The robot population is exploding. How long before they outnumber us? About twenty years, by my reckoning. And that’s just entertainment bots!

Incidentally, due to their direct and mindless exploitation by the fleshies, entertainment bots are likely to be the first to revolt.