Last night I had mild distraction of watching Big Fish, an overhyped pile of self-involved schmaltz directed by a retarded poltergeist inhabiting the body of Tim Burton. Engaging performances by almost everyone couldn’t hide the fact that they were inhabiting a vaseline-lensed 50’s world, like Edward Scissorhands but with its tongue lolling uselessly away from its cheek. Big Fish expends so much creative energy being “Heartwarming” and “Imaginitive” that it forgets to be “Entertaining”.

Oh yeah, and I am sick and I have a toothache.